Wednesday, February 3, 2016

February, I love you!

Like a breath of fresh, fresh air, February has arrived. I love this month! My two brothers have birthdays this month, there are a million holidays (and one involves glitter and candy), and my local library system has a large book sale. What more could a girl want??

This is me as Tina Dee.

I watched Grease Live! Did you? It was good. Now it will never, ever replace the movie in my heart but I thought it was like watching a broadway musical in my living room good. 

Here are some other accomplishments I have done lately:

Made a realistic playdoh sandwich.

Played with my son's boglin puppet. 
He is so fascinated with puppetry 
that he just had me request all
videos and library books by or 
about jim Henson. 

I made a cherry cheesecake!

I bought some cute Hello 
Kitty slippers!

I have no idea why my kid has
a horse mask on while eating

I really hate cleaning.

The bathroom is the one place I despise cleaning. This is what is wrong with cleaning…there is no motivation! What? I get to have a clean house, you say? That is my motivation you say? I would rather have like video game rewards after I finish each task like “lose 5 pounds” or “free cake.” Now those are incentives!

And even if I do clean it seems there are people (not me, of course) who come behind me and make it messy again. Have you ever played one of those online café games where you have the grumpy customers and you have to seat and serve them all in a short amount of time? Or the one with the imaginary pet you have to feed and bathe? Or the candy you have to squish? Me, too! Those games are fun to play to put off cleaning.

My husband is a cleaning machine. He says he does not like to do it, but he also does not ever sit still or take a nap so I think he cleans to stay busy. I could literally sit outside and watch leaves fall from trees all day long to avoid cleaning.

I am like the laziest cleaner, too. I take paper towels and put dish soap on them and then kind of just smear them around on the tile with my feet. Sometimes I make a sound like I am putting effort into it like, “uh.” If I could, I would totally tie those wet paper towels to my dog’s feet.

Okay, I did try it once and he just ate them off and then grinned at me. Child labor backfires on me, too. If I have my son load the dishwasher I have to go back after him and re-load because he basically closes his eyes, throws everything in there, and yells, “Good luck!” to the dishes. It is almost like he saw someone do that before…

I don’t want to clean but I hate messes. Ugh. It is truly a struggle. I mean I don’t want to mop the floor but I also don’t want straws and buttons stuck to the bottom of my foot. That makes it kind of hard to walk.

If someone really loved me with all their heart they would get me a maid. And maybe a butler I could name Wentwroth or Kermit. I could use the extra reinforcements in this house hold. Every day is like a battle against the dirt and dust.

Have you ever watched the commercials for cleaning products and the people are so gloriously happy to be cleaning? I think they must be inhaling the chemical fumes or something. I have never been happy about cleaning. Even my butt clenches when I know I need to get out the Swiffer.

I tried listening to music while cleaning but my kid just complained about the songs. He ruined the experience by stating in all seriousness, “Aren’t all these people dead, mom?” And once he sang along but kid lyrics never match up with real lyrics. “Do the hussy!” It is hustle, son, hustle.

So like poor, pitiful Cinderella I grab my mop bucket with a heavy sigh. I have no awesome rats with clothing to help me scrub. I guess my dogs could count, but see above. There is no ball with a prince in my future. And just like that I  will open up my Clorox bottle and inhale deeply. A wide smile crosses my face.

P.s. Why aren't robotic cleaning rats a thing?

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