Sunday, May 6, 2007

from love to hate

I have a dysfunctional relationship with my mother. So there. Nannynannybooboo.No, I am admitting this because we have our struggles. We have always argued like most mothers/daughters do. But ever since becoming a mommy, we butt heads a little more because we have different parenting styles--I wish they would be more involved in Harrison and mine's life---and since my mom has gotten older she just seems to not want to go anywhere/do anything. She used to be the "fun mom". Now I am so sad because she has let her anxiety/panic attacks, depression and hormone problems dictate her life. She was medicated earlier this year for her mood swings but stopped taking it after 2 weeks. I miss medicated mommy!!!! Anyway, we have not talked in two days. I went to visit her and she was in a bad mood and basically criticized EVERYTHING I said even when I basically gave up and said nothing...she would then ask why I was not talking and yell about that. It has become really hostile everytime I go to visit her. She always greets us at the door with "Ugh. You?? Why are you here? I told you to call before coming over." But then I can't win because when I do call she says, "No, not today...visit tomorrow." And tomorrow never comes.
So I was organizing college stuff...and came across cards and letters she wrote me in college. I found pictures of her *GASP* smiling. I miss that mom.
I don't know what to do. I thought about contacting her doctor but obviously I can't FORCE her to get help.
There is no way I can talk to her heart-to-heart because she always gets really defensive and yells, "WHY ARE CRITICIZING ME????"
For now, I am just giving her space!!